I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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