I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
