I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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