I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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