Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
