I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
