tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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