When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
