Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
