I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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