I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
