Soap is not a condiment
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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