I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
