I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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