I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
