There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
