take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
