: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
