mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
