I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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