His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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