I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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