Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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