so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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