Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
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Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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