So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
