he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
