i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
