People in love make me want to vomit
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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