Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
