If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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