i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
