I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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