I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
