if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
whose parrot is this?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
