We tried having a conversation with our noses.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
