Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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