Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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