Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
