Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
