I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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