I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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