You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
