K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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