I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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