i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
