I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
