Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
