I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
