I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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