you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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