Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
