I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
too bad you live with your parents still
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
