Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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