It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You are a genius and a whore.
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