Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
