dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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