Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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