Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
