dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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