does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
