I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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