i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
