After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
