Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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