So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
