the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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