Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
