If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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