I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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