i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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