dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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