and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
