it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
