This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
