i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
