Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
