currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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