Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
