How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
